Stuff On Top

May 6, 2002 -  3 p.m. 

What will you do
When I come for you?

I am having trouble keeping my eyes open today.
I don't really know why.
I am writing this at work.
I am wondering why I am having trouble at all.
Last night I was in bed before 11 pm.
This is weird for me.  Bedtime for me is sometime between midnight and 1 pm.
I was reading my copy of the new book of Get Fuzzy. I don't know if you know Get Fuzzy.  Get Fuzzy is my new favourite comic.  Comic's of the newspaper variation.  This comic is funny in the way that calvin and hobbes used to be.  Or Far Side. You know, the comic that I can be sure will make me laugh at least 2 times out of 3?  The comic that sees the world in the off centre true way that makes it fun.  Well, I am entirely in love with this comic and even though you just can't find the digests of it around here when they come out, I have been ordering them online.  Not that I enjoy paying a 4 dollar premium of shipping and handling to get a book but I just love it too much much to not.  So anyways, I go to bed early last night thinking that I will have read through this book before I turn out my light.  Well it is 10 minutes later that I can not keep my eyes open and here I am again today with the same problem.

Perhaps it is my diet. It really might be you know.  My diet that is.
I think I am eating too much fat. Or have too much fat in my diet rather. This doesn't surprise me too much really. I mean I haven't been eating horribly but I haven't been eating all that well either.  It shouldn't take much to change the way I am eating. I should just go ahead and change it.  Could you make me?  Come on, it's easier that way you know. Then again, I am really quite obstinate about such things and there is the possibility that it would not happen.  Hmmm.

I also need to be more active. I am in training, or so it seems, for this great walk thing and I am walking, but I should be walking more. I am supposed to be walking too and from work but I am never walking out of my door early enough such that I can make it to work on time by walking. So I need to start doing that. And then there is the notion of walking when it is raining. That is soo difficult to convince myself. Perhaps if it didn't rain each and every day.  Ok, ok, it doesn't but I really do walk pretty much ever day that it doesn't rain.

Hmmm. We'll see.

I want a cat.  Well, I'd start with a kitten, since that is normally how it happens.
I have been craving one a lot lately.  This isn't too much of a shock for me as have always been a cat person. I really do like cats. They are an animal that is ok with it's independence, and doing its own thing but at the same time they know what they want and need and they are  more than willing to be as open and needy as it takes to get what they want. I mean they are an animal that is willing to be vulnerable when necessary because they are filled to the brim with the confidence of self (yeah yeah, shut up, I like to personify) that makes then know they can do what they need or want to do. It's kind of strange really, I take to cats really well because I really like the animal that they are, and the person on this planet that I am closest to reminds me in so many ways of a cat.  I mean this even goes down to the point where, the thing I gather the most peace from in my life is having a cat sleeping on my chest, purring, as I pet it and read a book, and I get pretty much the same thing from her.  Weird. I really treasure that in a friend. 

I went home this weekend. 
When do you think that I will stop saying that wherever my parents live is home?  I mean I haven't really lived where they have since 1991. And they have moved twice since then. 
Perhaps never, and damn it , why should I really.
I went this weekend because a friend was heading that way and offered me a ride.  My parents live about an hour and a half's drive from where I live.

I went also because it is almost mother's day and mom sort of sets some sort of value on a big deal being made on mother's day.

So I showed up with a card.  The card is a piece by, um, well, someone or other from 1850 and is basically a nude woman being adored by 8 or so cherubs.  My mom, tittered when she saw it and said, 'ooooh, she's naked, but it's ok naked because it's art.'  how quaint.  In this card I put the worst poem in the universe.  I also showed up with a hanging flower basket (I bring one of these every year, they look great hanging in her deck) and a separate potted flower.  When I came in, she was having a nap, so I put the flower and the card on the counter and the hanging plant on a different table. Then dad and I took off shopping. She was just getting up when we came home. She opened the card, looked at the plant and said thank you. And then a little later, I mentioned that there was a hanging plant if she hadn't seen it and all of a sudden it was a brilliant smile and a large thank you.  See, she expects the hanging plant.  Then I took her and dad out to dinner.

Maybe, I am a good son.
Don't tell anyone.
Thanks.

I think I am going to go and see spider man on the way home.
I think, I think.

One last note. Just as I was moving the mouse towards the send button the song I was on, in Tom Wilson's Planet Love ended with the phrase, 'you goddamned idiot.'  it made me stop, and think of my childhood.

Ahhh, fond memories.  Speaking of which, I told my parents this weekend as they and my sister were going on to their 20th minute of yelling that the volume of their house was why I only came every 3 months.  Dad yelled at me. told me that it was up to me but the volume was going to damned well stay this loud. See? I told you.

I think, I think.

afternote - i walked home in spite of the sprinkling of rain