So the US postal service may think i am a terrorist.  In fact there might be a cadre of postal investigators (do you think they wear those cute blue shorts and tall white shorts like Cliff Claven as well?) standing outside my door right now, trying to figure out which apartment is mine.  if it weren't for the fact that the apartment number was on the package and that the buzzer number is the same as mine, i'd be worried that they could find me.
   What the hell might i be talking about, you might be asking...so i shall tell you.  I have a friend, Alli, who lives in New York.  Alli is a fun individual that i quite like and like to send things to every now and then. The packages that i generally send her are rather filled with all sorts of things, all manner of things, most of them unrelated and rather strange.  If it was one of these packages, i would understand the actions of those fine dudes in blue.  Instead, allow me to itemize the contents of this package, which was much more sparse than usual, due to some time constraints...

• 1 - really ugly print of an oddly shaped mannequin wearing a leopard print teddy. (if you feel you'd like one of these, i have more of them)
• 2 - Art cards with different, and yet non-threatening to the massive giant military might below us.  (although, considering how little sense what i wrote on them might mean to, say, anyone who can read, maybe they thought it was code)
• 1 - velvet sack
• 1 - hand made necklace made of brass, in above sack.
• 1 - 2x1x1 cardboard box with pictures of penguins on each side.
• 1 mechanical penguin, just under 2 inches tall, that flaps its wings and walks around when you wind it up, in above box.

So guess which national body of nitwits opened up my package?  Guess which large gathering of clothed apes went through the package?  Guess which group of people who could take any two numbers of the nation's favourite zip code and that would be their average IQ took an item?  Guess which group that wears Velcro shoes because laces are too much of a challenge, left the now empty box for said item behind in the package?  Guess which illiterate band of malcontents (who might go postal on my ass, i guess, if they read this) did not leave a note to the effect that they were taking an item from the package, let alone why they were taking it.  Guess which band of would need some small amount of education just to be known as idiots people then delivered said package in a shambles to an address where my friend doesn't even live (ok FINE, so i addressed it to her old address, why should that matter?).

   Yeah. Them. 

   I don't sound peeved do i?

yeah well.

i was going to say more, but my couch looks too soft to keep typing.