i can't stop reading.
   don't get me wrong, i don't mind this fact at all. but it has been a long time since i have been quite this voracious.
i like that i can't stop.
   although i am running out of books that i haven't read.  soon i might have to go the the <gasp> library. where will the madness end.
   Since thursday i have read, um 6 books.  granted the two days of 10 hours of driving in there contributed a great deal. what with 3.5 of those books read within those two days. 
   Odd thing is, they were almost all, lawyer, thriller types.  My mom's a pretty good source for such, she reads pretty voraciously as well.  She was telling me this weekend that she had recently decided that she needed to slow down her reading.  I got the impression that she meant not just that she was reading less but that she is actually taking more time to read a book.  This concept seems a little alien to me.  Slow down? i mean sure, when i read Kant, i read slow, or more likely, i reread often.  "what the hell was he trying to say?"

   whoa. ok. so i pause this entry to include the following. earlier today i got one of those emails in which you answer questions about yourself and send it out to others.  i kind of like them because it lets you let your friends know things about you without having to be open or anything like that.  not that all friends like getting things like this but i generally pick the friends that i am going to send them to. either those that like things like this or ones that i think will be interested in something i have had to say.  except for one friend that i send them to even though i know she hates them (i'm fun that way)
   anyways, at the end of such things usually comes a question asking you to say something nice about the person who sent you the note. i got this today from my friend S.  (S, who was already way, way high in my good books because she is the one who made my birthday party happen.) 

SAY ONE NICE THING ABOUT THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS:
he's a fantastic conversationalist and has engaging eyes

I am glowing right now.
Did you notice she said two things? I was worth two things.
Friends are a marvellous invention.

   So my trip to Calgary was nice. I got to meet my new niece.  A nice baby she is.  I got to hold her.  Ok, better to say, i got through my holding her once.  What is it about babies and my lack of need to hold them?  They don't make me feel anything really.  And i just feel like i am going to hurt them.  Where's the benefit?  I dunno.
   My older niece on the other hand, was a bundle of cuteness that was almost unbearable. She was one big smile that could lift you up and make the world such a grand and noble place.   And this smile would seem so endless while she was in it, like it would never end.  And it really did last almost the entire weekend (well, i am fun you know).  But when it went away and it looked like she might cry, whoa did that make the world crash down around you.
   sometimes i find it rather scary how much power children have over us. power that's there just out of the box, they just have it.  find me an adult that i could fall this much in love with in two days. cindy crawford just isn't the same.

   the girl.
   i don't really know what to say about the girl.
   we're still talking. we're still talking a lot. i like this. i'm not over her, i don't want to be over her. we're still friends, we're still important to one another.
   so...so i don't know.
   you know, i just don't know.
   we aren't, well, we aren't a 'we' anymore. but i can still look to her for support, and conversation and, well, just to be there. and i am the same for her. so, i don't know what it means.  maybe we just need the pressure of being in a 'relationship' to be gone.  we have time, we have needs that need to be met, but we just don't have the time to put into, well, that.
   then again, maybe not.
   you just do what feels right, you know?
   she felt right 3 weeks ago, why wouldn't she feel right today?

go away now.