Stuff On Top


Jan 30, 2001 - 0  a.m. 

   I am peeved.  This is going to be a, i am peeved entry. 
   I am probably overreacting.  In fact i have been told i am overreacting and i agree that i am.  

   So this is not directed at any one person, nor at as group of people even really.  I guess it is more of a warning that i would have you use to look within yourself.  To see if you would do this, to see if you are a person that has this problem.  If you even see it as a problem. 

   I have the problem of being accused of being in love with people.  Ha.  What a goofball statement, almost impossible to see as bad i would think.  Let us make it a little more exact, if i have a close friend, if she is female, odds are great that i am going to be accused, whether to my face or behind my back of being madly in love with them.  This happens to me time and time again.  It pisses me off.
   Why does it piss me off? Because it is people making a judgement about me and my friend without all the data.  Without the most important data.  I see it really as a form of intolerance.  Harsh?  I shall defend.  
    Aren't we trying to grow into people that accepts that which we can not understand?  You know what i have been told spurs these assumptions.  You ready for this, i am nice to the people.  Because of course a male can't have a female friend, can't be nice to that friend without being in love with them  Please explain for me how this is necessarily so.  That even when denied, it is unbelieved because after all how could you know your own heart more than stranger would?

   So why is this a problem for me?  I am not sure.  It is not because i care that they think i am in love.  It is more that they not only dare to assume things about me without information but they warn my friends about me.  They go to the friend that i am 'in love' with and warn them about me.  Or they warn me about it.  And when i deny it they give me that knowing look, the one that says, 'you poor man, someday you will know.'  Arghh. Sure go ahead and speak for me some more.  In the end i guess i don't really care.  Which made me wonder why i was reacting so much to it. 
The following is the thought i had about that...

i think this is a problem for me because i am not nice to people irl all that much. and when people see me being nice they assume there i something going on. people assume all sorts of things about one friend because i mock her very litle irl. so i get online and i use it, my persona, my ability to overcome my incredibly thick outer walls from irl to let the real me through.  

and then...people take that open and friendly me and try to shove it back in the box by assuming stupid things like this.

if i wasn't so strong. i would regain the walls online and off. i would stop trying. someone else may be trying to grow and these assumptive idiots are persecuting them right back into their box.

what was my point? i am starting to lose it.  you know i hold my passion for only so long.  my point...is that...people are fine they are grand about the things that they know and the causes that they support and then they fall to the same stereotypes that they fight against.  Women are equal, women are every bit as capable as men, women can't have a close male friend without him being in love with her.  Hmmmm, one of these things is not like the others...one of these does not belong.  

ah well. i've stopped caring again.  by the way, if i've been nice to you lately...i'm in love with ya.  no doubt.  don't wait for me to profess my love though, just ask the people around you. 

      A woman doesn't want to be asked, she wants to be told.
                                              Quote from Summer Stock   

   one last thing.  that quote up there. it was in a movie. you can click to read it. 
when i heard it, spoken by one of the stars, my jaw, hit the floor. you can figure out why.