Maybe i am too protective of myself.  It is possible you know, i could be.  
   I have been noticing of late an interesting reaction i seem to have.   Whenever i write something, be it for work, or anywhere else, as soon as someone has read it and wants to speak about it I seem to feel myself stealing against negativity.  I can feel my flesh get prickly like a porcupines as it backs up against a tree, protecting against a hound.  I can feel my ire rise and a sharp word approach my lips.  
   But the thing is, nothing has been said yet. I haven't been accosted, neither has my work.  I am just readying myself for it.  When a compliment comes, i seem to be far more ready to discount it, my mood would hardly let me do anything else. 
   That's when a compliment comes.  When it is negative, before i can even think about it, something has leapt from my mouth in my own defense.  An attack, an excuse, anything.  This isn't good. Sometimes my work is shit (alright, alright, very seldom, but upon occasion) and would benefit from any discussion.  Sometimes it is good but could use just a bit of improvement.  Whyfore would i  have a problem with constructive criticism?  I don't assume that my work is better than anyone else's, not before seeing theirs at least. 

   Well, that is not precisely true.  When it is someone i definitely hold feelings of respect for, i seem to be more ready to hear the words.  It is a little strange because as i fight to hold back the biting, tearing, rending of my attack, i listen to what is said and i consume it.  I think about it. So even as i am making biting commentary that make it very difficult to converse with me about it, i am thinking about how to fix it, to make it stronger or better.

   It is most prevalent at my work.  Perhaps this is a function of a level of respect.  It isn't even there sometimes when i am having friends look at stuff for me. Perhaps this is a function of respect or rather that if i am giving it to them i am more ready for it.   I am not sure. 

   I don't know what i should do about it. If anything really.  Isn't pride in your work a good thing? Isn't the need to stop others from tearing things you are happy with apart?
Maybe. Maybe not. 

salamush. do the fandango. 

friday night. i go out. the week no longer matters.