I think it is a few days later now and my living room has a much less surreal feeling.  Perhaps this is because it is just the same as it always is.   Perhaps it is because i am not sitting here with a good friend, with whom my relationship stretches deep into the past.  One of these things perhaps. 

   Sometimes i think i am a master of the non-reaction.  Sometimes i think that i fit a phrase that i have formed that sort of represents a negative that i find within myself, 'too cool to be cool.'   Basically part of me wants to be a part of the action, a portion of the universe without every showing that i belong. I want to be an observer.  I don't seem to want you to know that care, or an involved, or whatever.  This bubbled to the surface in my mind this weekend.  

   I am a cat person, always have been, always will be.  I find dogs to be dumb and totally über-needy.  Far beyond the amount that i could respect in any being.  Cats on the other hand meet some very deep connections that i have.  When you think about it, this even kind of makes sense, cats, on an individual and a group basis are the epitome of 'too cool to be cool.'   
   This weekend i went to visit a good friend of mine on the Vancouver Island.  The point of the visit to see the new house that he and his super-sexy mate, Cathy have just purchased.   The house was nice but there was a different and more important purchase that had been made.  A kitten had been added to the household.  Now i am at a complete loss for kittens, the only thing i can love more than a kitten is a cat that i have known since it was a kitten.  Truly. 
   So kitten is seen.  It is a very cute kitten.  I think it speaks volumes though, for the depth of relationship that i and this long-term friend have, when i found myself able to say about seeing it that it was a very cute kitten.  My standard response would be, 'nice,' in a very flat and easy mono-tone.  Because, you see, it is important, and no, i don't really know why it is important, but it is important that i not show too much enthusiasm.  And in fact when Cathy came home, and started to dote on the poor little kitty (no, no, i will not say to excess out here in public) i was positively aloof.  
   The attitude is almost best described by this word, aloof.  If there were a group of people there and they all saw the kitty they would group around it and say, 'wow, cool, holy cow, isn't it adorable and such.'  I would be the one that would lean against the wall, were i in Nebraska, with a peace of wheat between my teeth, and mutter, if pressed, 'cool.'  Again in a flat, relatively unimpressed tone.  I have had problems with this in the past, with other friends.  Friends that assume that i will be enthusiastic because often when alone with them i am.  But this reaction, it is one that is deeply ensconced in my persona.  I am without doubt too cool to be cool and this comes through when in groups, when nervous, or sometimes just to be a bastard.  

   What isn't as easy for people to see is that when i am left alone with the kitten, i am all over it.  I am all about playing with it, petting it and making friends with it.  I recall one time during the housewarming party at this same friends that i ducked out of the party to sit in the garage for about 18 minutes and just sit with the lonely kitty.  We didn't even really play actually, cause as soon as i sat down on the garage couch (yes, doesn't everyone have one?) the cat was up on my belly and sitting there purring and sleeping.  Playing wasn't necessary, that was done alone in the cool garage stuff, the comfort of company was where it was at.  
   I don't know if i would have come out on my own for quite a long while after this if it weren't for the fact that i was caught in the process thereof by my friend.  Of course, one on one i didn't have to hide it so much but it still marked the end of the kitten time.  

   This intrigued me.  To some sort of great extent almost.  I don't know for sure where this 'too cool to be cool' attitude came from but it has it's beginnings in my distant past.  Perhaps when my ideas of its origins solidifies i will let you in on the secret.  If you're nice.

Regime....the regime almost died this past weekend.  Sadly.  not totally but i didn't follow it at all on sunday and only followed the food portion today.  i deserve a good walloping.  on a different and cooler note, i am starting week seven today.  this means only 5 more weeks.  I am over the hump. 

Results of the program. Slight weight loss.  Not very high.  Huge muscle building.  I don't' know if i have ever seen my legs this toned and my arms are catching up.  My waist is shrinking, at a slow rate.  Overall i am relatively happy.  
   Other results, my energy levels are way up. I am more creative, and more important seem to have found some extra time for it.  In the first 6 weeks of the program, i have cooked more in my apartment than in the previous 3 years.   Although it is close to a tie i think.  I have also eaten more apples than in the first 20 year of my life.  (I say first 20, because in the last 9 the total, beyond the regime, might be 3.  hey, i don't like apples all that much) 
   it has gotten to be a habit, as they say it will, making it easier for me.  however, in becoming a habit it has become easier to slip i think.  I have to watch that closer.