Stuff On Top

July 18 - 11:30 pm.

   I am happy now.  And sad.  My houseguests have left.  Kind of odd that i am both i guess, but i am sure you understand.  Or you don't.  Shall i explain?  What the hell, you are moderately a captive audience.  

   I have needed a bunch of time alone since before i even had my houseguests show up.  I talked about that last time.  And Saturday and Sunday during the day i did have time alone.  Glorious wonderful time alone. I did nothing. Nothing at all.  I did, however make a couple of necklaces.  In fact i did something new with braiding brass that i am really fond of.  You can take a look at it if you like.  I tell you, every minute of sitting alone at home not talking to anyone was great.  Just wonderful.  I could feel my batteries recharging, could feel my desire for the odd returning and my need to never get irritated ever again.  

   And this week, i am hermitting.  Which means that i am not seeing people.  Or communicating.  Only i am, i keep talking to people.  Tonight after i got home from work i was solidly in chats with 5 or more people until 10 o'clock. and that was when i was invisible.  How is that for alone?  Tomorrow night...i am hiding.  One must hermit.   One must.

  So, yesterday i found out a close friend of mine's uncle passed away.  She was fairly close to him but i had never met him.  What do you say to a person who is in this situation?  Do you say i am sorry, do you shower them with sympathy?  What do you do?  I mean it is fairly critical that if you are going to deal with them at all that you have to say not the wrong thing. I mean, i don't know it if is possible to say the right but i know that it is possible to not say the wrong thing. If you work at it.  
  Know what i mean?   The wrong thing at such a time can make things so much worse.  The right thing, has a chance of making things a little better.  So last night i sat in front of my computer and tried to think of something to say in an email.  Is it wrong to say such things in an email?  I chose to think not because i was informed of the situation in an email.  In the end i chose something very understated, yet warm.  Just sort of saying that i was here if she needed me.  It seemed the not wrong thing to say.
   And then today i was feeling like i needed to do a bit more. So i called her.  And we chatted about nothing at all.   I said a couple of nice things and didn't push the envelope.  Again the not wrong thing.  I don't really think i am equipped to determine what the right thing is, or when it has been said either.  I think i buoyed her spirits a little, made it easier.  So that is a good thing.

   I don't really know what i am getting at here.  Just that this is tough.  and that i don't know how to deal with it right and i don't know where to learn to do it right.  Can you teach me?

   Girlfriend.  Wow.  A week.  Only a week to go.  My excitement is finally rising.  My nerves have not started to rise much, yet.  Yet.  They will come. and they will come with a vengeance.  soon i will have no choice but to cow to them and deal with them.  What to do.

  Can you imagine that i am still liking her more each time i talk to her?  I did a count, in 2.5 months we had 8000 emails.  Wow, 8000.  Wow.  And we are talking more than we should.  Hell with that, there is no more than we should, there is just the right amount, and even, perhaps, not enough.  God knows we always want more.   I so need to meet her right about now.  I can't believe we are where we are without having met.  How do you get these feelings without having met someone?  I know not. i don't care. sometimes you just have to accept things.  You just do.  I just do.  i have no trouble having to.  

  Hmmm.  i guess i am going to have to come back and tell you all about her too?  I guess i might not have that much trouble doing that. i could talk about her forever.

Only, i am tired.
So i am going to sleep.  Night.